Not what I had in mind

I was going to talk about my new laptop today, but I can’t, because it hasn’t arrived yet. Which means I have to talk about something worthwhile this weeks and wait ‘till next week to complain about vista or something. I may also have mentioned last week that I am planning to introduce something I’m going to be doing in the early part of this year, but then I realised how bad an idea that was to it has been thrown into my pile of bad ideas along with becoming a superhero and jumping into a massive pie and eating my way out (it was tempting to write ‘and fucking your mum’, but I like to feel that I’m more mature than that.)

To be honest I’m struggling under the weight of my extreme apathy to care about anything enough to write anything about it, so I’m just going to post some funny stuff that someone decided would amuse me so emailed it to me. Some of it was pretty funny; some of it was pretty drab. I’ll only post the funny bit because I’m nice.

Here are some (supposedly) genuine Customer Support Calls:

Tech support: What kind of computer do you have?

Female customer: A white one...

Customer: I keep getting inappropriate pop-ups on my computer and don't want my wife to think that it's me.

Advisor: I will remove them for you.

Customer: How do I get them back when she is not in?

Customer: I have a huge problem. A friend has placed a screen saver on my computer, but every time I move the mouse, it disappears.

Tech support: How may I help you?

Customer: I'm writing my first e-mail.

Tech support: OK, and what seems to be the problem?

Customer: Well, I have the letter 'a' in the address, but how do I get the circle around it?

And here are some (again, supposedly) genuine items from an aircraft maintenance log.

Problem: Left inside main tyre almost needs replacement.

Solution: Almost replaced left inside main tyre.

Problem: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.

Solution: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

Problem: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.

Solution: Evidence removed.

Problem: DME volume unbelievably loud

Solution: DME volume set to more believable level.

Problem: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.

Solution: That’s what they’re there for.

Problem: IFF inoperative.

Solution: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

Problem: Suspected crack in windshield.

Solution: Suspect you’re right.

Problem: Number 3 engine missing.

Solution: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

Problem: Aircraft handles funny.

Solution: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

Problem: Target radar hums.

Solution: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

Problem: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer. (Who says that exactly?)

Solution: Took hammer away from midget.

Sorry for that being a complete cop-out, but I hope it was entertaining. I might even make an effort next week.