Saturday, 31 January 2009

Hur hur funny picture

Fuck it. I had something panned for today, but it was shit. Leave me alone, nothing to see here.

Here’s a funny picture.

Yes Barak Obama is getting a blow job from some kid hur hur.

I feel ashamed that I find this funny and so should you.

Saturday, 24 January 2009

Obama and some other stuff

Well it looks like the US has a new president; I think everyone was bored of Bush and his antics, although some of his literary slipups were pretty damn hilarious. I’m glad we now have a leader rather than a laughing stock at the head of the world only superpower. If you haven’t heard or watched the inauguration speech yet then you need to get your need to crawl into a hole and die because if you don’t even make an effort to pay attention to the world around you your life is utterly devoid of meaning. Alternatively you could just watch it now.

In fact Obama has already done some stuff as president; he’s ordered the closing of Guantanamo and the end of torture. So he’s stopped the practice of holding people without charge, something which we in Britain outlawed in 1215 (the date of the Magna Carta for the historically inept). So along with that and the end of torture it looks like Obama is fully committed to bringing the United States out of the middle ages and firmly into the modern era, already better than Bush then. Although I don’t think even Bush managed to fail to swear the oath like Obama did.

Obama has beencompared to Lincoln, who was assassinated, Kennedy, who was assassinated, and Martin Luther King, who, you guessed it, was assassinated. Is it just me or is there a theme running through those comparisons? I give him 6 months.

Moving onto a completely unrelated topic, I have recently discovered a band called Godspeed You! Black Emperor. They a post-rock band from Canada and well worth listening to. Post-rock is a genre where classical music is played using ‘rock’ instruments, like electric guitars, drum kits and keyboards etc. All the songs are like 20 minute long instrumentals with random sound clip of annoying Americans (or maybe Canadians) talking thrown in. Anyway, check them out, they’re pretty good.

And moving on again to another, totally unrelated topic; Empire Total War is coming out soon (1st March) and I’m really looking forward to it. One thing that has been bugging me however; Sega have decided, in their infinite wisdom, to release 2 versions of the game; the standard one and one with a few extra units and some other gimmicky stuff that cost £10 extra. Which retard at Total War HQ thought that this was a good idea? Why not just release the game with the extras instead of making me choose between extra content and cheapness. They’re even screwing with what you get with the extras; for example, if you buy the special edition of the game from Amazon you get a unit of Amazonian warriors. Witty. Anyway for the record I will be buying the standard version and probably Torrenting the extra content, just to spite Sega for trying to screw me over.

Sunday, 18 January 2009

Laptops and royalty

No longer do I have to wait several hours for my computer to warm up enough to actually do anything. No longer do I have to sit staring into nothingness as I wait for my computer to do rudimentary tasks. My laptop is here and I am happy! I won’t sat it’s perfect but let’s face it, what is? I haven’t had any major problems with it so far apart from transferring my music library across, but I put that down to Sonic Stage freaking out when you take it out of its comfort zone.

I do not even hate Vista like everyone seems to think I should. Maybe I’m not nerdy enough to know what is wrong with it, or maybe I can adapt to change better than your average computer geek and can accept new features, even if they are stolen almost completely from apple. It’s really odd how, as soon as Vista came out, computer geeks the world over were preparing to march on the Windows headquarters and demand the severed heads of everyone in charge. It’s not that bad. In fact it’s better than XP is many ways (cue many angry emails from my many adoring fans…); it has helpful features like the panel at the top that allows you to access all the things you need without having to even press the start button.

Moving away from Vista, the laptop itself is very nice, although the touchpad can be somewhat temperamental and the speakers are woeful, a problem that I solved by stealing the speakers from my old computer. The nicest thing is that the keyboard has roughly the same dimensions as a normal desktop one, so I’m not constantly missing buttons like I normally do when I use a laptop keyboard.

Well that’s my new laptop, I didn’t want to talk about it for too long because some other things have been bothering my lately, namely the ‘scandal’ over the royal family being ‘racist’.

In case you have been living under a rock for the past week, or not in England I suppose, let me fill you in. Last week Prince Harry called an Asian friend a ‘paki’ in a documentary about his time in the military or some similarly pointless piece of television, then a few days later is came to light that Prince Charles had been calling a black friend ‘sooty’ for years. The press, as you can imagine, immediately leapt on this story like a very clingy whore and started throwing accusations like ‘racist’ like monkeys hurling poo. As they normally do, the press conveniently ignored both context and the concept of banter. In both cases the princes did not mean offence and both ‘victims’ have publicly said that they don’t mind the nicknames.

I would like to take this opportunity to say that I in no way think the royal family have any place in our constitution and should be forcibly removed, inbred bunch of over-privileged toffs that they are. However they are human beings (barely) and so deserve a little privacy. The press in this case has simply ripped a quote out of context and spun it into a scandal so that they can sell newspapers to the gullible public who will leap wholeheartedly on the bandwagon of political correctness.

It is important to not the difference between racism and banter. Racism is when you discriminate against someone because of there race. This can often entail verbal abuse and the word ‘paki’ has often been used in this way, much like the word ‘nigger’. Obviously I think that sort of behaviour is abhorrent and anyone who uses it should be kneecapped and they beaten to death with the corpse of a porcupine (there has to be a fetish like that somewhere). However when it is used between friends it is generally banter with no ill feeling whatsoever. I have quite a few ethic minority friends and we do this all the time. If I was being really pretentious I’d call it irony, but it’s best not to over think things that much or you get dragged into a horrible spiral of stupidity. Much like the press has over this story.

Sunday, 11 January 2009

Not what I had in mind

I was going to talk about my new laptop today, but I can’t, because it hasn’t arrived yet. Which means I have to talk about something worthwhile this weeks and wait ‘till next week to complain about vista or something. I may also have mentioned last week that I am planning to introduce something I’m going to be doing in the early part of this year, but then I realised how bad an idea that was to it has been thrown into my pile of bad ideas along with becoming a superhero and jumping into a massive pie and eating my way out (it was tempting to write ‘and fucking your mum’, but I like to feel that I’m more mature than that.)

To be honest I’m struggling under the weight of my extreme apathy to care about anything enough to write anything about it, so I’m just going to post some funny stuff that someone decided would amuse me so emailed it to me. Some of it was pretty funny; some of it was pretty drab. I’ll only post the funny bit because I’m nice.

Here are some (supposedly) genuine Customer Support Calls:

Tech support: What kind of computer do you have?
Female customer: A white one...

Customer: I keep getting inappropriate pop-ups on my computer and don't want my wife to think that it's me.
Advisor: I will remove them for you.
Customer: How do I get them back when she is not in?

Customer: I have a huge problem. A friend has placed a screen saver on my computer, but every time I move the mouse, it disappears.

Tech support: How may I help you?
Customer: I'm writing my first e-mail.
Tech support: OK, and what seems to be the problem?
Customer: Well, I have the letter 'a' in the address, but how do I get the circle around it?

And here are some (again, supposedly) genuine items from an aircraft maintenance log.

Problem: Left inside main tyre almost needs replacement.
Solution: Almost replaced left inside main tyre.

Problem: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
Solution: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

Problem: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
Solution: Evidence removed.

Problem: DME volume unbelievably loud
Solution: DME volume set to more believable level.

Problem: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
Solution: That’s what they’re there for.

Problem: IFF inoperative.
Solution: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

Problem: Suspected crack in windshield.
Solution: Suspect you’re right.

Problem: Number 3 engine missing.
Solution: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

Problem: Aircraft handles funny.
Solution: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

Problem: Target radar hums.
Solution: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

Problem: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer. (Who says that exactly?)
Solution: Took hammer away from midget.
Sorry for that being a complete cop-out, but I hope it was entertaining. I might even make an effort next week.

Sunday, 4 January 2009


Happy New Year everyone! It’s now 2009 and doesn’t feel any different from 2008, but there’s still time. Anyway I was thinking of starting this year with a preview of 2009, but I don’t think there’s any room on that particular bandwagon. I was also going to introduce a project that I will be working on in the early part of this year, but I have something much more interesting for you today.

Last night my parent and I went to see the film ‘Australia’, mostly because my mum had read that it had some nice scenery and Hugh Jackman, and I wanted something to review. Anyway I have to say that it is without a doubt, the best film I’ve seen all year… it actually took my dad about a minute and a half to get that joke.

Joking aside (just for a minute) it was a really good film and well worth watching. The story was absolutely fantastic and the characters actually changed during the course of the film, something that is lacking from most films you see around! Character development and plot are things that seem to have been sacrificed at the altar of modern technology and replaced by impressive CGI and high tempo action sequences in recent time. As I said in my James Bond review, CGI and high tempo action sequences are a poor replacement for a good story. Australia proves me right. This film will retain its class long after modern technology becomes obsolete because it doesn’t rely upon it. The story and the themes are timeless.

However, it was not perfect. I know I complain about films being too short and I have said that there is nothing wrong with long films, but Australia was a little too long. While the storyline remained very compelling and my interest was retained right to the end, it still felt like it was dragging on. This was probably not helped by the ‘false ending’ half way through, when everyone seemed to be living happily ever after, but then a plot twist sparked off a whole other storyline. It almost felt like two film in one. The false ending meant that you were expecting the credits to role and when you’re then subjected to a sequel it feels like the film is shamefully delaying. It takes a while to realise that you’re only half way through the film and need to get comfortable again. It might have been better to split the film in two and made each section a little longer, although then the temptation to make a trilogy out of it would probably be too strong and that has been the downfall of far too many films.

Moving seamlessly onto my next complaint: one of the apparent plus points of the film was the sunning scenery and, to be fair, it was truly amazing. You have to watch it in the cinema to fully experience the sheer beauty of it. It was actually a little bizarre; occasionally the film would sort of stop at an appropriate place and panoramic views of random parts of Australia would be shown over soothing music with very little relevance to the actual film. It just felt like they were showing off, or maybe just trying to distract you from the film with the scenery. I suppose, were the film a bit shit, it would be a clever tactic to make the visit to the cinema worthwhile, but since the film was so good in its own right, it just felt unnecessary.

Now onto the acting in a transition as seamless as the last one. Actually there’s not much to say, it was a really good, especially the little Aboriginal boy. He played the part really well and managed to pull off the little bits of narration, which I would normally denounce as poor storytelling. Generally narration only really works in Film Noir and I suppose Australia had some elements of that in it, especially in the beginning, so the narration worked extremely well.

Overall, very good, worth watching in the cinema if only to make the panoramic scenery seem like it serves a purpose.

Before plans to go to the cinema decided what this blog was about, I was going to introduce something that I’ll be working on over the next few week/months. It is something that I’ve inventively named ‘the Youtube Project’. I’ll introduce it next week as well as talking about the new laptop that will be being delivered in the next few day, I hope.